hm, haven't blogged in quite a while.. seems like i've nothing to write about.. i realised that certain thoughts and most feelings are best kept at heart.. it'll be more precious that way.. and it'll have a deeper meaning to it too.. heh.. that's on top of the unpredictable state of my thoughts.. so mayyybe i'll just blog about what's happening..

school's starting soon.. just one week of hall camp next week, and school resumes right after.. and as expected, i did waste away my hols.. but i guess it's alrite.. it's a vacation anyway.. haha, i'm not regretting, really.. i'm having a little phobia about school now.. and hopefully my friends in the same course will help me overcome it..

artikulation was good. feels like the best mep concert i've ever attended..! but somehow i felt old over there.. seeing those current students and ac teachers.. 'nostalgia's the word for it, but i dunno how to use it in a sentence. haha..

okay, i shall stop here.

my sis said, i'm using the auto gate, help me close it later.' i told her, 'i'm not closing it for you.' she said, i'm not locking the door also.' and with that, she left the house.. ArghH! i feel like KILLING her.. what does she take me for.. her maid ah. i wanted to just leave the door unlocked and the gate unclosed, but that's putting myself and the house in danger.. cuz i'm alone at home.. so i RELUCTANTLY closed the gate and locked the door.. i hate her.. really.

on a lighter note, i went to gramercy to get a 1/8 violin bow for my student, as well as a book2 scales book for myself.. and the lady at the counter asked, ' erm, your child is doing lower grade right, this book is for higher grades.' oh man.. i was stunned for a while.. but i didn't correct her, cuz i thought it doesn't matter. in the end, i lied that i'm getting the book for someone else..  i guess she has no better way of phrasing it.. cuz she doesn't know i teach, and 'the child you're buying the book for' sounds quite a mouthful.. even i can't think of a better way of phrasing.. so i guess, not her fault. but thinking back, i'm feeling abit weird that i'm mistaken to have a child, although i dun think she means it that way.

yesterday was a really nice day!! in the afternoon, my sis and i watched les choristes.. aww.. that was really really really nice... then in the evening, it was sb4 dinner!! haha.. not really sb4 since so little pple turned up.. but it was really fun.. had dinner in ps, then we went to the chocolate factory, and then to karfai's house.. haha, syed drove us all.. his driving.. haha, superb man, so funny.. they blasted the music, and his driving was full of sudden brakes and turns.. heh, i'm sure it was on purpose..! huikeon's doing very well at school.. her gpa's like 3.95/4 lah! her baking skills are good too! she baked a cheeze cake, a kiwi tart, and several cookies for karfai! there was a decoration biscuit too, it says bon vonyage.. yep..! heh, and karfai shared his pasteries with us.. woah.. tasted good! she's gonna do some catalogue thing soon.. yep, then at karfai's place, we all drank! heh, for the first time, i drank too.. half a glass, that's all.. and we played drinking games too!! haven't had such fun in such a long time..! brian was the only one who went high.. we left his place at 12am, syed drove each of us back home.. the original plan was to get me back first before they could go for a ride, but along the way, brian puked.. haha.. so we had to get him back first.. and syed changed his style of driving... became more smooth, and he switch the music to a slower, more emo-ish one.. haha!! see, those previous stunts are on purpose.. oh, brian's dog's so tamed..and pretty.. heh, debra's one of the same breed, but her dog's is obese.. like almost twice the size of brian's.. she doesn't take it for a walk, she says.. haha!! no one seems changed.. they're all the same ole pple! haha, maybe except brian, in terms of his looks.. he looks really big now.. compared to the scrawny little boy he was in sb4.. i really miss those havoc pple.. they're like havoc, but at the same time, they know what they're doing.. ahh, i'm so glad to have such friends!!

btw, go see my sis's blog.. i'm lazy to go upload those youtube videos.. see her's.. they're nice! must see k! it's 'xuli'.

i watched a documentary on ngc yesterday.. it was 'in the womb'.. haha.. cool, and they showed a close-up video of a lady giving birth.. haha.. it looks really really painful though it wasnt even classified as a difficult labour.. oh man.. so that night, i went to ask mummy whether she'll choose caesarean or the normal delivery if she's given a choice.. haha, she said she'd rather not marry. yeah.. and since it was her bedtime, she told me it'll be good to think of something good before i sleep.. like something i enjoy doing, or something that will make me happy.. and after a while, i told her i cant think of any.. like i dunno what i enjoy doing, i dunno what i wanna do.. guess her reply..? she told me, "at this age, u must think simple, make things simple and don't complicate life. just focus on your studies and do well"..  hahaha, she so right.. think i should really start simplifying things.. but i wonder when's the right age to complicate life.. or should i even do so eventually.. like imagine, when i'm hundred years old, and i still don't bother to try reading the intentions of others, and i still live in a world of my own, and not consider the purpose of some existence.. haha, of course i'll be happier as a person.. but i dunno if it'll be considered a waste anot.. haha.. i really dunno.. but mummy's right anyway.. now's definitely not the time.. simplicity!! haha..

anyway, i realised that i couldnt think of anything cuz i've turned what i like to do into what i need to do.. and what i don't like to do into what i dun need to do.. and of course there're cases where i have to do what i dun like to do.. but that doesnt count.. hm, i guess i'll only know what i really want to do when i'm busy.. kayys, i'll stop here for now..

i'm feeling quite upset now.. it's all about dinner just now.. i thought it would be nice to try to cook meat (excludes fish cakes and minced meat) for once.. like frying the fish.. and but it didn't turn out well.. my greatest worry was the taste factor at first.. but i thought the taste was fine.. so in the end.. that slice of fish was uncooked.. nobody even realised it until i finished the last bit of it.. know why? cuz while frying it, i realised that the surface of that fish turned brown quite quickly, so i thought it would be betta if i stopped frying it. so there, i suspected it was uncooked. then i presented it to mummy, asking her if it looks cooked anot.. she said yes. alrite! so we started eating.. mummy said the fish was a bit smelly, so she didnt eat much, my sis said it wasnt nice, so she din eat much too.. i ended up eating most of it.. and when i finally reached the core (bone) of that slice, i saw blood.. and it was kinda red.. haha, sounds funny.. but not really, knowing that i ate most of it.. see.. so now, i feel poisoned.. arghh.. think i'm not gonna fry fish anymore.. or at least in near future..  so irritating.. hm, hopefully nothing will happen.. at most, i'll just get diahorrea, rite?

it's so troublesome to think of a title..

school's starting in abt a month's time.. and i've seen my timetable for next sem.. it's pretty scary cuz it's a six-day week.. but there's a good side to it too.. the days are shorter, so i'll hav more time after school, plus keeping me in campus for 6 days might be a good thing.. i wont be able to idle away that much at home.. hm, but it might be hard to stay 6 nights a week.. esp after a 3 months break from school.. but nvm, my laziness will pull me through definitely..

hahaha, i'm like talking to myself.. heh, i like that.. hehe..

oh, my sister's very happy now cuz she has won an award in the uob art competition, not 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.. it's just 'highly-commended'.. and she's still smiling.. heh, think it's gonna last till she receives that award.. haha, that girl.. not bad eh! this whole thing is somewhat inspiring.. a little.. =)

here's what my father found in his garden.. huge green caterpillar.. it's pretty!

i'm back from the 3-day bintan trip.. there was a bit of first-time experience there..

1) walking out into the sea in the morning.. since it was low tide, i managed to go quite far, with the water level kept slightly above my knees.. i din dare to venture further.. there was quite a lot of corals at that distance away from the shore, and small fishes of different colours swam through those corals.. those small fishes were like 2cm long.. and occasionally, 5cm ones would pass by.. everyone tried to catch those fishes but no one could get any. oh, and we saw sharks!! baby ones though.. my uncle said those sharks were trapped in the sea cuz of the low tide.. i saw the fin!! there were at least 3 baby sharks.. heh, so we went back shore..

2) this is the FIRST time i'm on a holiday without my family!! haha.. i'm 19. hm.. the first time i went 'overseas' without my parents was when i was in sec3.. it was OBS u see.. compulsory. this time, i went with my aunt's bigger family.. those -in-laws.. i was abit worried about being an outcast initally, cuz i was close to my little cousins only.. but in the end, they're a bunch of friendly pple who looked upon me as their own family.. cool..

3) i saw the sunset!! bah, never knew it ended so quickly.. the sun was RED! and within like 5 minutes, it hid itself totally beneath the sea horizon.

oh, the return ferry trip was quite interesting.. made me think a bit.. see, nothing much happened actually, it was just that i could choose between interaction with others, and just staring out at the sea.. i choose the latter, and really didnt want to talk.. heh, so i started thinking of a reason for such an anti-social behaviour..

hm, when i was looking out at sea, i wanted to row a boat to the middle of the sea and just think about life, though i think it's simply stoning actually..haha, at that position, i'll be away from people, away from things i need to do.. assuming i wont be attacked by sea creatures, if i were to stay out at sea for long, i'll start to feel useless.. so this further confirmed my previous thought that happiness comes from helping others (pple + do things).. hm, if that's so, then i shouldnt hav chosen to look at the sea.. i should hav chosen interaction instead.. maybe i've chosen the sea cuz of a bit of emptiness within me.. so i drew this link.. desire/craving = emptiness.. and so it doesnt really make sense to have emptiness after knowing the way to happiness.. so i thought it might be the wrong way.. k, put religions aside k..? actually, i felt kinda ashamed when i mixed around with my aunt's -in-laws and their families.. cuz i help with a motive to be happy, and their care seemed pure.. esp those little cousins.. how shameful of me.. so i thought i should learn from them to make it my natural instinct. haha, though i think it's difficult.. my lousy excuse being lazy.. so where's happiness?? dang, i cant define it now..

k, i dunno if the later part makes sense, but i cant really continue.. cuz my both my father and sister are back.. and i cant think well with them around.. somehow, i like to be alone.. but alone =  useless, rude, unhelpful.. argh.. i'm gonna find a solution.

People with blue styles prefer to perform their job responsibilities in a manner that is supportive and helpful to others with a minimum of confrontation. They prefer to work where they have time to think things through before acting. People with blue style tend to be insightful, reflective, selectively sociable, creative, thoughtful, emotional, imaginative, and sensitive. Usually they thrive in a cutting edge, informally paced, future-oriented environment. You will want to choose a work environment or career path in which your style is welcomed and produces results.

People with red Interests like hands-on / problem solving job responsibilities and professions that involve practical, technical, and objective activities. Red Interests include: building, implementing, organizing, producing, and delegating, which often lead to work in manufacturing, managing, directing, small business owning, and surgery.

this week's quite fun for me.. cuz i din have to stay at home all day.. haha..

for monday and tuesday night, nuspe had a gig at esp concourse.. haha, when i stepped into that big cargo lift, the first thing i thought of was physic lesson by lim oon hua.. it was a container classroom.. i was sitting beside deborah.. i was describing the size of that lift while she was teaching, and she caught me talking, then came a series of question that i couldnt really answer.. i cant really rmbr if we contained our laughter or we just burst out laughing.. but at that time, i'm sure miss lim must be thinking.. "what a weird girl".. i rmbred blogging about it.. at backstage, i got reminded of those ac-related music concerts... nice memories.

oh, and in both days (mon/tues), i kinda finished 50 episodes of anime, each of about 20 minutes long.. haha, the plan of reading books failed.. but i'm okay with it.. hee.. =) i'm now waiting for episode 101-150 to be downloaded.. it's quite slow.. so no animes for the time being.. bah.. oh, i wanna watch pirates.. i dun mind shrek too..

wednesday.. was practising piano day, cuz i din pract piano the whole of mon and tues.. got a bit guilty.. plus worried.. and at night, my mum and i went for the preview at the psb academy..  it was for my brother.. he should have went himself, but he was stuck in jurong camp..

and thursday!! i met huimin, marge, kaiting, michelle at ecp to cycle.. old hags are still the best.. haha.. hm, think we've all grown quite alot.. that's good.. =)

sometimes, i wonder if i'm a person who cherishes the past more than the present.. forget about the future.. which means, i (sometimes) live in the past.. that's bad.. haha..

today's friday.. the original plan was that after piano lesson, i'll go to art friend with my sis, and then go watch the opening ceremony of the arts fest. chey, then she msged me in the morning that she's not going tonight, cuz she has to sleep early to prepare for her gp exam tmr at 8am. what a disappointment.. that girl.. and guess what she's doing now? she's meeting her sec friends to watch pirates and of course, go get her stuff from art friend with them.. to think that i told marge i can't go shopping on friday.. argh.. anyway, she said she'll buy back good stuff for dinner tonight.. and she's treating!! haha.. actually, i wasnt really angry with her, but i pretended to, cuz i din want her to keep doing that.. it isn't the first time alrdy.. but her excuse this time is better.. gp exam.

know why today's entry is long? cuz i'm bored.. if i stop here, think i'll end up reading.. and i dun want to.. i never liked reading.. don't like words.. hm, i might just do crafts.. i realised that since uni, my crafts became worse.. like i've less ideas.. and i cant make things turn out that way i want them to be.. so lousy.. k, nvm, i'll try again.. shall stop here..