yay..! the exams are over!! so is year one!! great, one down, four more to go. looking back, this sem is really fun, meaningful too, and a thousand times better than the first.. more mugging and more time spent with friends.. but there are still things i dont like about uni, like the crash course syllabus? the unhealthy canteen food? the screwed-up sleeping hours? but at least i learn more about independent learning.. not as in independent living, but learning.

things i gotta rmbr for next academic year, spread mugging time evenly btn tcm and bio part, do repeated understanding of lecture notes and do not attempt to remember anything. leave the remembering part to the last. early stage remembering retards early stage learning. memorised information can only be retained for two days. haha, ok, this might change along the way, but for now, it shall remain as this. dont forget!

next, i've about three months in my hands. under normal circumstances, my greatest fear during this period would be to lead the life of a slacker, and i'm definitely capable of it. for eg, 9-10 hours spend in bed, 3-4 hours spend on meals, 3 hours spend at piano, 3 hours spend in front of tv/comp.. and that leaves me with at least 4 hours to either idle away, or to learn new stuff. SO, since i've just emerged from the mugging mood, i shall try to retain a bit of it, and read more about the things i so wanted to read during the exam period, and also spend a bit more time thinking about what i want to know at this stage. okay, so pls pls pls do not turn into a slacker. AIM!

here's what i plan to do in the three months: finish reading 2-3 books, catch up on piano pract and hopefully i could go intensive with myself on this one, help my sis with her studies, watch the tv programmes/ animes i wanted to follow during school term but limiting it to 3 hours a day? heh, that still leaves me with 4 hours.. k, this means? dont sleep too much. it's detrimental. hahaha.. all these are flexible.. it's just a reminder.. DON'T SLACK!

okay, this should be it, i'm thankful for this break.. use it well.

i felt the need to blog, after reading others. I was supposed to spend only 15 minutes at the computer reading emails and stuff, but i ended reading many blogs.. i feel so shallow all of a sudden.. it seems most of the people i know are having lots of non-academic thoughts, such as music, poltics, god, etc. in addition, the kind of life they have seems so much more enriching than the one i lead. it's sad. i just travel between school and hall during weekdays, spending most of my time studying what seems to be impossible to finish. during weekends, it's still studying, plus piano lesson, watching anime, and teaching. what a life.. i don't seem to associate much with the world out there, and in my little world, i'm so convinced with the practicality of people, the inter-dependent relationship between all beings, the selfishness, and the transient nature of everything. i feel like a tool, a tool to something i dunno.. in fact, everyone's a tool, right? maybe that's why people tend to look something greater, like religion.. something they're willing to bow down to, something that exists eternally, that is reliable, righteous. ok,, i dunno where this will lead to.. anyway, think i might blog again when i see things from a different light, cuz seriously, i don't like to see things the way i'm convinced they are.. hopefully my thinking will change..

yay..!! i'm sooo happy that concert's over, though i'll definitely miss the times i pract with mel.. haha, i feel so lucky to be able to partner mel.. she's good! i really enjoyed playing (it) with her.. and tonight's perfomance is the most enjoyable one i've ever had..!  maybe cuz it's a gershwin piece, but anyway, i'm really happy.. with satisfaction..!

sigh.. the next one will be a year later.. and many things will happen till then.. so.. dun think so much.. i'll go to bed now, and i'll be back at school tmr, focusing on the exams to come.. hiaz, though for now, i really miss the days we practised and worked.. alrights, goodnight! tonight's experience and every little things related to it shall be etched in my memory for as long as it stays, and i wun let it go easily.. yay!! =) goodnight!

Just went for the rach3 concert with sh and alp.. it was awesome! haha.. think i've kinda have a rough gauge of the role of music in my life alrdy. I shouldnt think of exceling in it. neither should i see it as a form of differentiation from others. it ought to be enjoyable and pure. i should see it as a breakaway from schoolwork, something which ought to be the real focus. practice such that it'll appear easy, then feel it.

for a while, i was confused.. cuz i din know what music meant to me.. its importance.. its role.. why am i clinging on to it desperately despite knowing its not going to be my major. the immediate answer was interest. but just how much does the word 'interest' says.. for i thought i was losing it till the concert just now. so no.. it aint interest. tt's too surface. what is it that i'm going to do with it would be the answer. and i havent come up with a satisfactory one yet.

I think i'm some lazy, practical person who doesnt like to do things that brings no returns, or at least returns i'm interested in.. things like when others smile, or things that bring me closer to supporting myself in future (a neccessity).. i'm not exactly interested in making only myself happy, cuz it doesnt work at all... seriously..it's the least possible to make myself happy by trying to make only myself happy.. rather, happiness is built on that of others.. maybe that's why people are so inter-dependent. that's why i say interest cant be THE answer for me. at the same time, it's stupid to say i learn piano to make others happy. also, i cant arrow it as a means of living, cuz if tt's so, what makes ntu? there ought to be some balance. some balance i havent found. for now, i shall see it as a play-thing.

okay.. i'm to bed.. sleeping's one of my hobby, though i sometimes think it's a waste of time.. haha..

i want to be a heartless girl. yes, i was thinking of being one a few minutes ago.. and then i started thinking again.

1) being heartless means i'll be able to do anything i want, with no obligations at all. BUT that'd mean that i'll be living in a world of my own. not a fantasy, but a nightmare. cuz i'll be so lonely in there. on top of that, if i'm able to do anything i want, i'll just stone away my life. having said all these, isn't it still a torture to live under obligations?

2) being heartless also means that i'm immune to other's heartless act. that's absolutely selfish though. humans are meant to provide warmth to each other, arent they? so i shouldn't chill everyone around me just because i want to protect myself from the cold. yes.. warmth is good.

3) lastly, the best part about being heartless. it won't make me think, and put myself in the shoes of others. it's quite tiring to do all these. and sometimes i think i'm thinking too much.. like now. haha.. oh well.. maybe i'm really thinking too much into things.. maybe i should focus more on facts, shouldn't i? like.. GO READ THE TEXTBOOK! or sth..

haha.. i really dunno.. but at least, now i know learning to be heartless is not correct.. and i actually entertained that thought. i know i'm alrdy a human. but sometimes, i don't feel like one. things would be really much simpler without emotions. and we'll all just be thinking machines. sheesh, that's so against nature.

here's another wrong thinking: other people's judgement of me matters more than that of my own.

see.. my judgement matters only to myself. no one would care or even believe. however, there are so many other people out there, and i'll always be among them. i can't help it if we all stay in the same planet right. hence, that wrong conclusion.. cuz it isnt good if i were to live in an environment where people around me don't think good of me. maybe that's why i'm always trying.. and i dunno who i really am. i should have known myself by now right, or at least by my 19th birthday? i'm going to be 20!! and i'm still such a failure at being a human. 'what's wrong with you?!' that's my favourite question =), aimed at myself. i still dunno the answer.

hahahahaha.. yep, that's all.. till then!

The subjects that i've registered for are finally confirmed. Besides the core subjects, i'm taking jap music and bio in pop media for electives, giving a total of 28 AUs. I only had 15 AUs last semester, and so it's a bit scary now that i've almost twice as much AUs as the previous one. dang. I really hope i can cope well with it. hm, i think i'll stop working from next week onwards though i haven't told miss shymala yet. I'll see how it goes.

The ancient chinese thing is driving me nuts. we have 5 hours of lecture on monday and thursday, all on chinese. And it's separated into 2 and 3 hours with an hour break in between. haha, it's really hard to follow. I'll just need to miss a word or two, and then i'll not be able to understand the point that the lecturer is trying to bring forth. So that means hard core concentration.. haha.. and for 3 hours?!! it's tiring. And that's not all. This is only the first week, and we're given loads ot materials to read. It's like 4cm thick.. and that's excluding the textbooks. oh no.. it's horrible. I read chinese text by words and not by sentences.And the planning is abit weird too, cuz there's supposed to be an exam at the end of the semester, right? but for this, the exam is in the middle of it, and then we'll start on a new chinese module from there, with another exam at the end of it. It's rushed. Ahh..!!

k, i'll really hope everything goes well this semester.  

alright..! it's a new year..! haha.. i shalln't forget 06.. and 07.. yes, i shall adapt well.. i wonder will happen in the new year.. everything's so unpredictable.. it's scary, isn't it?

haha.. i wanted to write ' ahh.. but some things remain unchanged.. like..' and i couldn't think of examples.. oh well, for now at least, i still dread staying in hostel.. heh, xe said that if u don't think of hostel as bad, it won't be.. so yes, i should start thinking that hostel is fun.. haha!

this year kinda rounds up with the release of school results.. i've got a-, b+, b-, c, d for the 5 modules.. haha.. not good, but i'm glad i've passed all.. i've got some third class gpa this year.. having said that i'm glad i've passed all, it's only at the moment when i saw the results.. haha.. so yeah, learn from it, and do better this year.. that's my first resolution for the year..! haha..

kk.. shall stop here... bye!

for a while, i thought that having more thoughts and reflections would make a person more sensible.. hm.. but all these thoughts now make me think that thoughts actually complicates life.. things could be done in a simple way with focus.. haha.. oh well, it's quite confusing.. i know reflections are important. i dunno also, let me think abt it again.. haha

think i've aged quite alot.. haha, can't really seem to communicate well with my pri school cousins.. i was like lying throughout the entire afternoon when we went to grandma's house to play.. haha..

for example, why can i have another piece of chewing gum? - because u can only have one a day... see? it's written in chinese here..! if u don't believe, read it yourself.. (haha.. and i knew she wouldn't be able to read them)

i didn't want her to choke on the gum, so i refused to let her have another piece, but then she saw me popping pieces of gum into my mouth.. haha.. and in the end, she too started having more.. that's a lousy lie..

here's another one at home.. can u teach me how to play the guzheng? - no i can't cuz i haven't played it in a long time, and i've forgotten how to play.. i must go pract more before i can teach you.. why i cannot pluck the gz strings? - cuz i haven't touched it in a long while and the strings are very stiff now, so it might snap when u play them.. then why it didn't snap last sunday when i played it? - i don't know.

that was another lousy lie..

and another.. can we go play with the turtle? - no! it's very dirty.. we didn't bathe it for more than a month..  (and as soon as i said that, mummy told me not to lie)

i want to choose my neopet! - no u can't. u don't have an account. what's an account? - i don't know..  i want an account. - no.. u're underage. u must at least be 8 years old to get one. (right, she believed that)

haha.. yah.. stuffs like that.. it was only just now that i realised i tend to lie more in front of children than adults.. cuz i don't like the feeling of being exposed as adults are supposed to be more logical than children.. haha.. but children nowadays are smarter.. they really are..